(via redheadbouquet)

my own personal hell: the coffee shop has been playing nothing but Coldplay for the past hour.

edit: switched to Fleet Foxes. thank god.

see? state of mind.

this is entirely personal, so i’m not representing christianity at large or—oh for goodness’ sake, just say what i want to say:

i get uncomfortable/upset with people who claim to have all the answers about how to live and how to “make it” to happiness/fulfillment in a very specific way because i think we should be acknowledging and embracing diversity as beautiful and healthy and holy. i mean, look at nature: biodiversity is CRUCIAL for survival and our food sources are getting totally screwed up because it all comes from a very genetically narrow (not to mention artificially modified) base that becomes less and less nutritious and fortifying with every crop rotation and breeding season. similarly, we become more and more divided from each other and from ourselves every time we put up a wall because we can’t love “the other.” THERE IS NO OTHER! we are all the body and the cancer and disease comes from dualistic, exclusive mindsets, not from parts of the body.

(besides Tumblr, because that’s a given)

• “Caring For Your Introvert” article (again)
• INFJ TypeLogic profile
• INTJ TypeLogic profile
• Postcrossing
• fascinating article on the differences between Eastern Orthodox and Western Orthodox (Roman Catholic and Protestant) translations of the Bible, specifically the of Hebrew words for “Sheol,” “Heaven,” “grave,” “pit,” “fires of gehennom,” etc. all mistranslated to “Hell/hellfire” in all Western translations since the Great Schism in 1054. Eastern Orthodoxy understands “Heaven” and “Hell” as spiritual states of mind within an individual, while Roman Catholicism and Evangelical Christianity understands “Heaven” and “Hell” to be physical places outside of the earthly realm Which has has a hell of a lot of implications (see what I did there?) for how mainstream Western Christianity operates and has never made sense to me because if Christians truly believe that God is the entirety of existence and that we are saved by grace and love, how could there be a “hell” that is void of Him and why would He put his beloved there? And now I’m connecting that with all stuff I learned and read and talked about in my agrarian philosophy class last year about dualism and the Enlightenment Period and how we are spiritually sick in our division from Creation and any real connection to God… to be elaborated on later… maybe.
  
• Pinterest

good grief

bad day

very very bad day

wow, are you in my brain? just remember that even the fact that you HAVE a sparkly idealistic thing that keeps you going makes your situation different from a lot of people’s. & it’s your only life & risks and striving=worth it. also, mary oliver.

MARY OLIVER! Ah, I feel better already.

also, the songs i’m currently working on for a state-wide competition that is in, oh, less than 9 days, are completely uninspiring. difficult french set to repetitive “fluffy” music and boring mozart art songs i sang two years ago are not helping my current mental state at all.

part of me has this super sparkly, idealistic i’m-going-to-bring-beautiful-music-to-the-world! mindset that isn’t realistic but gives me enough drive to finish my degree and get excited about grad school and living somewhere new and making my dreams a reality, but the other part (the bigger part) is just totally lost (stuck) in working a menial job that pays for the classes i hate taking, and distracting myself with things that don’t matter and worrying about things i can’t control.